07 May 2024

Florida Man and the Fried Chicken Attack

Don't waste the chicken. Eat the chicken. Florida Man Arrested For Battery After Attacking Sister With Fried Chicken | Not the Bee

Most headlines containing the words "Florida Man" will not be for stories about rational people.

Okay, I know this Florida man attacked his sister and everything, but I'm just over here trying to figure out how someone just wastes a bag of Church's Chicken like this. I mean, that's a huge party fowl if you ask me.

I haven't had Church's Fried Chicken in a very long time. I used to love the dirty rice.

Looks like Khanye is using the hangry defense for the chicken attack, because his excuse for his outrage is that he was really hungry and his sister offered him one of the worst pieces in the bag. I'll assume she told him to deal with what was one of those tiny drumsticks with barely any meat on it, so then he proceeded to grab the bag from her and just start chucking pieces at her.

He was charged with misdemeanor domestic battery, as he has a history of attacking his sister, but those charges were dropped. I hope he was forced to buy replacement chicken.

See also Blue Oyster Cult's take on "Florida Man." (It's a great song!)

That is Peak Florida. At least for today.

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