Borderlands - "102 Minutes of Complete Unmitigated Dog Feces"

Critical Drinker always tells us exactly how he feels, unless he's being sarcastic. Hint: this is not sarcasm. (I shouldn't have to note that, but I'm told that no one in the younger generations understands sarcasm.) On to Drinker's review...

Right. Let's not mince words here, gentlemen, because this movie deserves none whatsoever.

Borderlands is a 102 minutes of complete, unmitigated dog feces. A wretchedly terrible, horribly written collection of lame, bloodless, tediously protracted action sequences, strung together by the most paper-thin, nonsensical excuse for a plot, revolving around a group of one-dimensional nobodies who barely even qualify as characters, played by some of the most laughably miscast actors in cinema, and relentlessly hammered home with appallingly bad CGI, and forced, dated, cringe-inducing humor that's about as funny as a terminal cancer diagnosis.

This movie is a verified flop. They apparently spent $120 million on this mess. That is, as Drinker notes in the video, 8 times the budget for Godzilla Minus One. The movie, according the The-Numbers, made $8.6 million in its first weekend domestically, and less than that internationally. With some exceptions, a movie will make about ⅓ of its total revenue in the first week. OMB Reviews won't make predictions until after the 2nd week, because some movies surprise. With the Rotten Tomatoes score standing at 9% for all critics (Top Critics is still 0%), and the all audience score of 37%, I don't think this movie will increase its box office in the 2nd weekend. Though it will be hard presses to show less revenue.

And as always, I need to remind people the that studio gets roughly have of the total box office. They get slightly more than half domestically, less internationally, and much less from China. (Yes, the theaters do get paid.) And the $120 million does not include marketing, though it doesn't seem as though they did a lot for this movie, the marketing budget is where they keep stuff like the expense for translating the film into foreign languages.

This is Critical Drinker's video Borderlands - A Boring, Unfunny, Unwatchable Disaster. It is just short of 7 and a half minutes, so grab a coffee.

The All Critics score at Rotten Tomatoes was at zero percent, until Grace Randolph had to spoil the party, but top critics is still at zero.